So I probably mentioned that we had to hire the child advocate.
I'm so glad we did (not that I really want to keep throwing money out the door). Still, all of a sudden everyone got on board really fast with everything that they should have been doing in the first place. This seems to be how this works.
We gave the public school system a second chance and they started to work. They are scared of course because they already missed their deadlines and they lied (remember I have it on tape and I told that to our new school staff which probably got passed along).
What astonished me the most was that we had to put our school (the "best" school in our area for learning disabilities) on the bad list. They lied to me too. I had to hit them with our child advocate also.
They would have let my daughter go without the testing she is legally entitled to have also. They knew what they were doing. How do people sleep at night? I may have to buy them all some Sominex. Do they still make that stuff? I dont exploit others and therefore I have no trouble sleeping.
The child advocate has to maintain a relationship with all these folks so they are making excuses for them.
Still, I want anyone reading this to see what happened from my point of view. My lesson here is this:
Parents are the only ones who really care here, everyone else is secondary.
If you have a personal experience with IEP's and those working on your "team" that is better than mine consider yourself lucky.
So at that Second Initial IEP meeting (yes I'm being sarcastic calling it that), I got some results from a speech test and a whole list of additional tests that are going to be performed.
The speech test showed that in many categories she is average or above average. Lovely, any mother wants to be told their kid has no trouble, is perfect etc. In a non-child advocate situation they would have written her off at this point as not needing further testing.
Not the case when you have hired a watchdog to make sure no one is slipping out of doing work.
Even with the majority of the speech results looking great there were some potholes where she was completely unable to answer questions correctly.
This, my friends, is dyslexia.
The potholes. Those are her dyslexia.
I imagine myself saying to her brain,
"Nice to meet you face to face Madam Dyslexia, now that I know where you are hiding I am prepared to make sure my daughter gets what she needs to handle you".
This is what testing (once again testing she is legally entitled to and that those folks are required by law to provide to her whether they feel like working or not) does for us parents.
It gives us a road map, an introduction, a heads up.
We need these. Those of us who really do want to know how our child's brains work.
Our children are not:
stupid
lazy
not applying themselves
not good at paying attention
or whatever it is that you have been told or thought.
They have a learning difference.
Difference- not disability- let's get the terminology right.
Welcome to our story. I hope it helps you with yours.
Showing posts with label dealing with school folk. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dealing with school folk. Show all posts
Friday, March 23, 2012
Saturday, March 3, 2012
A child advocate
So the school did the one last thing I was looking for (oh my gosh did they underestimate me)
I hired the child advocate.
Now who would one have thought that would have been necessary seeing how we are in the supposedly "best" school in our area for learning differences?
Really. I'm still in shock myself.
Yet, once I hired the child advocate suddenly lots of interesting things started to happen.
Especially with the whole pack people who had been lying (yes I did say lying,---I know I'm amazed myself).
These dear folk, whom one thought they could trust up until this point are suddenly defensively doing the jobs they are both paid and legally required to do.
Who knew all you had to do was plunk down the money for the child advocate?
I hired the child advocate.
Now who would one have thought that would have been necessary seeing how we are in the supposedly "best" school in our area for learning differences?
Really. I'm still in shock myself.
Yet, once I hired the child advocate suddenly lots of interesting things started to happen.
Especially with the whole pack people who had been lying (yes I did say lying,---I know I'm amazed myself).
These dear folk, whom one thought they could trust up until this point are suddenly defensively doing the jobs they are both paid and legally required to do.
Who knew all you had to do was plunk down the money for the child advocate?
Parents Equal Quality Control
In a school setting:
Parents =
Quality Control
Auditors
Safety Inspectors (and so on)
Is it really any wonder they dont really like us around much?
Is it any wonder that the staff all watch each others back and see us parents as the ones to be avoided.
We create extra work, we question their judgement, we second guess their decisions and we flat out get in the way.
I realize that this is a negative view of those who care of our children day in and day out but all parents need to check their idealism at the door of the school.
Schools are businesses and the people who run them are paid employees. This is business. We are not ever going to necessarily be welcome. We are not their friends and they are not ours. Parents can be other parents friends (in some cases) but let's not confuse the rest of the folks.
Parents =
Quality Control
Auditors
Safety Inspectors (and so on)
Is it really any wonder they dont really like us around much?
Is it any wonder that the staff all watch each others back and see us parents as the ones to be avoided.
We create extra work, we question their judgement, we second guess their decisions and we flat out get in the way.
I realize that this is a negative view of those who care of our children day in and day out but all parents need to check their idealism at the door of the school.
Schools are businesses and the people who run them are paid employees. This is business. We are not ever going to necessarily be welcome. We are not their friends and they are not ours. Parents can be other parents friends (in some cases) but let's not confuse the rest of the folks.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Prisoner of Love aka Don't mess with Mama, Papa, Grandma etc.
In my long ago past I once dated a man who was a prison guard. He was a nice person and hadn't been on the job for very long. He worked hard but the inmates were always causing him grief in one way or another. It was hard to hear about such a nice person having to put up with so much. So I mulled it over.
What I came up with was this: the prisoners were there 24 hours 7 days a week. For my friend it was a job. He put in his hours then he went home and tried not to think about work too much. For the prisoners they had plenty of time, energy and really not too much else going on. It was part of their lifestyle to look at everything they knew about him and plan out what mental crap they were going to pull next.
Putting any issue about prisoners rights to the side for the moment since that isn't what this blog is about I want to say a few words of how this relates to learning differences, parents and schools.
In our last school there used to be this fairly common teacher/school administrator complaint that all the parents talked to each other (gossiped). It's probably true of most schools but certainly in the Catholic system where these folks have known each other awhile (decades sometimes) and also go to church together it's especially true.
Here is where we parents are like the prisoners though. We have a lot riding on whether our child is being treated correctly, taught appropriately and handled fairly. We aren't there all the time but if we care (and most of us do) we want to know and we will get our information any way we have to (including through gossip).
Teachers and School Administrators may want to go home and forget about little Johnny and his reading issues but a parent (even a busy one) will never forget. This makes us a formidable force.
Our new school for children with Dyslexia (love it) had a party tonight. We went, it was fun, my kids were happy. It was all pleasant.
Except that I was in a crabby mood (nerves?) and according to my husband was a big bitch to someone I should have been kissing the ass of. (Remember I want the state scholarship money and need an IEP for my daughter first in order to qualify and now there is a deadline of April 15th for paperwork to be in).
Still, I wanted to (in a sly, Southern woman type way) let the person I was talking to know the following:
1. I knew exactly who she is was and that she still has not called me back from weeks ago. (She was too busy supposedly but she didn't seem that busy to me at the party).
2. I had a talk with the school psychologist about our needs and the deadline. He didnt let me get a word in edgewise (and that's difficult to do) and basically had a whole back-off-pushy-parent M.O. I found him to be a big jerk (a common trait with the school psychologists I've dealt with) and I wont be forgetting that anytime soon.
3. My kid already has a dyslexia diagnosis. I'm really not concerned with any idle threats about not finding any real issue and therefore not qualifying for the IEP and scholarship. School office folk seem to like to qualify everything with well you can get the scholarship if there is really a problem. Listen up, there is and we wouldn't be at that SUPER Expensive school if there wasn't a diagnosis so quit trying to power-play me. (They dont have any real power so they throw around what little they have). I'm still contemplating throwing down that $400.00 retainer for the child advocate.
Remember the earlier story ---these school folks are the prison guards, and me, I'm the prisoner. So don't think I'm not spending my time/energy/money working every possible angle until I have the direction I need to go.
In other words, "Don't mess with Mama."
What I came up with was this: the prisoners were there 24 hours 7 days a week. For my friend it was a job. He put in his hours then he went home and tried not to think about work too much. For the prisoners they had plenty of time, energy and really not too much else going on. It was part of their lifestyle to look at everything they knew about him and plan out what mental crap they were going to pull next.
Putting any issue about prisoners rights to the side for the moment since that isn't what this blog is about I want to say a few words of how this relates to learning differences, parents and schools.
In our last school there used to be this fairly common teacher/school administrator complaint that all the parents talked to each other (gossiped). It's probably true of most schools but certainly in the Catholic system where these folks have known each other awhile (decades sometimes) and also go to church together it's especially true.
Here is where we parents are like the prisoners though. We have a lot riding on whether our child is being treated correctly, taught appropriately and handled fairly. We aren't there all the time but if we care (and most of us do) we want to know and we will get our information any way we have to (including through gossip).
Teachers and School Administrators may want to go home and forget about little Johnny and his reading issues but a parent (even a busy one) will never forget. This makes us a formidable force.
Our new school for children with Dyslexia (love it) had a party tonight. We went, it was fun, my kids were happy. It was all pleasant.
Except that I was in a crabby mood (nerves?) and according to my husband was a big bitch to someone I should have been kissing the ass of. (Remember I want the state scholarship money and need an IEP for my daughter first in order to qualify and now there is a deadline of April 15th for paperwork to be in).
Still, I wanted to (in a sly, Southern woman type way) let the person I was talking to know the following:
1. I knew exactly who she is was and that she still has not called me back from weeks ago. (She was too busy supposedly but she didn't seem that busy to me at the party).
2. I had a talk with the school psychologist about our needs and the deadline. He didnt let me get a word in edgewise (and that's difficult to do) and basically had a whole back-off-pushy-parent M.O. I found him to be a big jerk (a common trait with the school psychologists I've dealt with) and I wont be forgetting that anytime soon.
3. My kid already has a dyslexia diagnosis. I'm really not concerned with any idle threats about not finding any real issue and therefore not qualifying for the IEP and scholarship. School office folk seem to like to qualify everything with well you can get the scholarship if there is really a problem. Listen up, there is and we wouldn't be at that SUPER Expensive school if there wasn't a diagnosis so quit trying to power-play me. (They dont have any real power so they throw around what little they have). I'm still contemplating throwing down that $400.00 retainer for the child advocate.
Remember the earlier story ---these school folks are the prison guards, and me, I'm the prisoner. So don't think I'm not spending my time/energy/money working every possible angle until I have the direction I need to go.
In other words, "Don't mess with Mama."
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