Mistakes and authenticity

So we all make mistakes and when the public school official (whom I trust the way I would a cobra) sent over the IEP and it was one page, well, that was a mistake.

But before I knew that I called someone helpful, another parent.  I wrote about that in my last post.  That parent has been really open about their process and that has been a huge help to me and my family.  

So now I have a full draft copy of our IEP.  I feel like I've really earned this thing.  I don't think it's terrible.  I don't think we will have to fight too much harder for too much longer. 

And yes, while we are at a private school they are not required to follow the IEP by law.  Of course ethically they need to be either making an attempt to address the concerns in it and at least be honest if there are areas where they cant help my child.  We shall see.

Not that I really have any trust in any of it.  I mean for these folks it's a day on the job.  For me it's my child. 

One thing I learned recently is that there are varying levels of parental involvement when it comes to learning differences. 

I also realized that my spouse and I are deeply committed to educating our children.  We will sacrifice in other areas to make sure that they are well educated.

Some parents simply have too much else going on to micro-manage the situation the way we are doing with our child.  I want to say for the record that I understand this.

In many cases a parent is new to this whole concept of dyslexia and learning differences.  It was hard to hear that diagnosis, even when I was expecting it.

A parent may also have bad memories of school themselves or the classroom with children who were shoved to the side and labeled in an unhelpful way.

I understand a lot of this.  I remember these things about school also. 

In many cases when people are remembering schoolwork badly and a sense of failure there that is an indication that there could have been an undiagnosed learning difference. 

The advantage that the helpful parent and I have is that we are not new to the concept of dyslexia. Our children are second generation with a diagnosis.  We knew about dyslexia when we were children. We saw our parents handling the learning difference situation.

In my case my brother was diagnosed in the 1980's when he couldn't read by fourth grade.  He went on to the private school that specializes in this area that my daughter now goes to.  He went there for 3 years,  it helped his self esteem and taught him the tools he needed to read, write and go on to college. I thank him all the time for his openness about his struggles and how they have helped my family.  I am in his debt.

Our helpful parent friend also had diagnosis in the family.  She also was a special education teacher and she has all the connections that this brought.  This has been a huge asset to her in her quest for education for her child.

I have no claim to formal credentials in this area.  Although both my mother and grandmother were teachers. I have no education in education.  No special education degree here. 

What I am is a concerned parent, writing an online diary (aka blog) about the struggles facing our family since finding out our daughter has a dyslexia diagnosis. 

I am learning a lot though.  It helps me help my daughter to write it down. It helps me clear my thoughts, vent my anger, decide where to go next.  It helps me to think that someone else may one day find value by reading my writing. 

This is not a commercial blog.  If we buy something I will most likely talk about it.  This is the same way I would talk to my next door neighbor who is also a lovely friend.  Commerical blogs get on my nerves.  The internet has turned into one big overpriced flea market and I want no part of that aspect of it.  The part of it I like has a lot to do with community and sharing information.     

A key: other parents

  I don't play video games,  never have and probably never will but my family does and I see that in some of them there are keys to be found.  Keys that hold power.  Keys that unlock doors.  Keys that take one to the next level.  In some cases the game is incomplete without using a key at some point. 

This is no game but there is a key in other parents help and advice.  There is a key in a supportive community that understands what one is up against.

In my case this weekend someone who has gone before showed me their information and it was absolutely invaluable to me.  Their help and the exchange of information was something that didn't cost anything but was very helpful.

I have now seen an IEP.  I now have a draft of a pretty decent looking IEP.  I now feel better about everything. 

I see how a parent other than myself is handling the dyslexia in their family.  This sort of information is a key. 

Being open to other parents and what they have to offer is a real gift.

In a parent magazine this month I was reading an article about special needs children and it was talking about how you don't find much on the Internet (personally I disagree although I do think we all need to be careful about what we read and filter using our own common sense). 

That article also talked about how a parent doesn't have to educate the world (apparently I don't agree with that either or I wouldn't be writing this blog with the hope that it helps at least one other child).

Finally, it talked about all the crazy parents giving out advice online or wherever. 

While there is some truth to that since I have heard about some ridiculous solutions to problems like bed wetting and so forth, still, there is a part of me that is (to paraphrase Anne Frank) sure of the inherent goodness of most people. 

A digression: The Roman Empire and education

I am interested in reading about the fall of the Roman Empire.  I cant say I'm interested in any other aspect of ole Rome but I am interested in how it fell and how people survived the fall.  

An odd interest perhaps but please read on.  This is a digression from talking about IEP's and dyslexia but I do have a point to make.

Bryan Ward-Perkins' book The Fall of Rome makes a great case for the fall (apparently among the scholarly there is some debate about it) and one of the ways he makes his case is by looking at education.

In ancient Rome, like today, most folks were literate.  They read, they wrote, they made graffiti and so on.  When the Roman system collapsed so did education and literacy.

Did Rome collapse and then there was no educational opportunity (unless you were part of a select few like say a priest in the church)?  Or was there some educational collapse and then the empire went with it? I think Rome collapsed due to various already widely documented reasons. 

Still, how much of a survival mode do folks need to be in before they let go of literacy?  It had to have been some pretty hand-to-mouth living to not be able to teach your kids to read (even if you did it the homeschool way).  I wonder if there are any studies about this subject?

Historically children are often the underdogs of society.  Educating children and the needs of children and families aren't often first on the human species priority list. Or are they?  

In our current society there is a lot of lip service paid toward education by our politicians but only when it looks like it will buy them votes. A lack of action points to a lack of concern by the majority of powerholders (aka: lawmakers).

Margaret Mead saw the lack of value children had in one of the more violently oriented societies she studied (the Mundugumor) and it troubled her.  In contrast the Arapesh people valued children and were also much more peaceful.  It was after those studies she decided to have her own child, so we know it moved her to have studied the different ways these societies lived with children.  She saw what people valued and changed her own life because of it.

Knowing what we (parents) know about how political influences are currently affecting our children's educational process leading to more and more children being either unable to read or reading at a sub-standard level I wonder about where our society is and where it is going.  

Are we collapsing and therefore it is widely accepted to have a lesser degree of overall literacy? 

Is it okay to funnel the majority of our tax dollars into military & other spending to maintain our empire and standard of living?  Yet literacy becomes less and less of an issue? 

This seems like such a step backward and yet I think we have been stepping backward for awhile now and simply not realized it.

Parents unite.  It isn't just our own children we need to be caring about but the quality of education for all children.  After all don't you want your children to grow up and be able to find someone literate to be friends with and perhaps marry one day?  We are all in this together.

Persistence: aka the longing for a decent IEP.

One of my strengths is persistence.  One thing about going up against odds is that it makes one strong enough to do it again and again.  I have never thought things would be handed to me, since they usually werent, so this started me off on being quite persistent.  Sometimes it can be handy to have had a past struggle.

Apparently I'm going to have to be SUPER persistent here in the world of getting a decent IEP.  I was just sent a draft IEP today that is an absolute joke. 

Only it's not very funny when grown adults who should be professionals act like children that dont want to pick up their room. 

Personally, I'm ready to go straight into complaints and DUE PROCESS.  I'm not sure I want to wait around any longer.

Yes, there is a scholarship on the line but what if, what if I actually wanted to use that IEP next year and go to our local public school where (remember) the tutor said she only works off the IEP.  Then would this lame ass piece of paper that barely says anything do the job for my child?  NOPE. Not at all.

Once again how do these people sleep at night?  Really, I'm still astonished.

So again another battle. 

Flavors of Dyslexia, Strenghts of Dyslexia

 There are what I like to call "flavors" with dyslexia.
My brother with dyslexia is a 30-something year old who now reads quite well (although he would say his reading is slower than he would like).   His strong talent area is ART.  He is wonderful with sculpture and pottery.  Anything three dimensional is a strong point for him but also I have noticed that his photographs are very good too. 

He spent many years studying art so I cant say for sure if this all innate or not but there are some BIG STRENGTHS with his brain and art. He also spends a lot of time working on great computer related art.  I'll try to post some of his work soon.

Although my brother was diagnosed with dyslexia in fourth grade, I believe that my daughter actually inherited an undiagnosed dyslexia from my husband's side of the family. 

My husband's family is strong in MATH.  I would also add science to that.  From the beginning she has worked ahead with no problem.  I would estimate that she is about 2 grades ahead of most first graders at this point.

Another place my husband's family seems to excel is in MUSIC.  We are preparing to start piano lessons although she has expressed an interest in other instruments also.  My husband has an extensive music collection and even back in high school he delved deeply into different forms of music than his peers did. My husband and family have never been diagnosed but my daughter seems to be following in the strengths of that side of the family.

Howard Gardener makes the case for what he calls multiple intelligences.  Instead of the idea of an IQ test.  He has a list of areas but I'm not sure he actually goes far enough in his variety.

I like to think of all the places people can be talented.  It's amazing to think this way about our species.

Here is a short list of some places people can have talent:
Science
Gardening
Understanding Animals
Cooking
Movement: Gymnastics, Ballet, etc.
Listening
Compassion and Empathy
Art: Painting
Art: 3 dimensional
Art: Multimedia
Music: playing, listening to etc.
Understanding Computers
Language: Foreign (speaking or reading)
Language: Storytelling
Language: Public Speaking
General Creativity (I think this often comes out in places like home decorating)
Understanding Spiritual matters
Judging Human Nature (also known as being able to sum up a persons character quickly)
Street Smarts (in some cultures it takes a lot of smarts just to survive)

I listed these so that when you are looking at your own family and your child you don't discount the places where there are strengths. 

I see strengths as our road map to where we are headed next. 
    

Standard thoughts about dyslexia

It may seem like I'm spending a lot of time talking about the mistakes that are being made in our IEP process while I really started this blog in order to talk about the subject of dyslexia. 

There are some standard things I think I need to point out although this information is readily available from a variety of resources:

1. In the late 1980's schools changed the way they teach language.  A version called "whole language" is what is currently being used by most schools.  The way I learned reading as a kid (more phonics based teaching) is out the window.  For some children whole language is faster but for a child with dyslexia it does not work.

2. An estimated 1 out of 5 people has dyslexia to some degree.  The Good School says it could even be as high as a third of the population.

3. A child will not simply catch up by fourth grade (a common thing people said to us in Catholic School).

4. The problems with not having a diagnosis and attempting to teach in a different learning style as early as possible:
               a. The child will not be able to keep up with others in their class and will fall behind.
               b. The child will blame themself for not working hard enough and think it is their fault.
               c. The child's self esteem will suffer.  They will see their weakness not their strenghts.
               d. The child will dislike school and the academic setting more than normal (high drop-out rate).
              
5. The dyslexic child is working four times harder in an average school day.  If you combine school with extra tutoring then by fifth grade the child could be burnt-out. 

6. Our already suffering school systems are ill prepared to give children with learning differences what they need.  It really is up to us - the parents- to insist on the best for our child.  To school administrators it's a job, to us it's our family's future.  Keep your guard on!

So there are a few things about how important this subject is.

Catch it early and treat it early.

IEP Meeting preparation

A few things about IEP (IEP=Individualized Education Plan) meetings:

1. Know that the term "team" is a rather inaccurate way to talk about all the people who will attend the IEP meeting.  Although all the people involved are considered to be the "team" for the child, the only real team are the parents and perhaps their advocate (if they have one).  Dont assume that these people who are determining what is best for your child are as invested in your child's future as you are.  You have to feel that the decisions are the right ones for your child's development. 

2. Have a meeting with your spouse/child's parent the night before your IEP meeting.  Make sure you both know what your goals are. 

3. It is essential that the parents present a united front. Give the impression that NOTHING is more important than this meeting and your child's future. Looking at your watch and acting like you should be at work etc. is not going to help your kid- make sure they can see you are really serious about getting what is best for your child.

4.   If someone has to leave early then the educational professionals must sign a paper saying they left early and what times they were present and not present.  If they just HAVE to be at some soccer practice or other reason they simply must leave early there is paperwork involved, make them do that paperwork. 

5. If, for example,  you are discussing speech and the speech therapist cant be there then you need to reschedule.  Know that this sort of nonsense is VERY COMMON.  Whether the educational professionals are doing it on purpose or if it's just an accident is beside the point.  Key people need to be in the meeting otherwise there is no meeting.

6. Always remember that as a parent you are always the main one looking out for your child's interests, do a good job of holding others accountable.  Make friends and get support from someplace other than your child's school professionals.  Learning differences are a lot of extra work on educational professionals that already have too much to do.  For years some very slippery ways to get out of that extra work have been developed, dont let your child suffer because of this.

7. Try to record the meeting on a tape.  In most cases school professionals will agree to this (although sometimes there is a policy against it). Afterward listen to the tape to see what you missed.  Also dont turn that thing off until you are back in your car.  A lot of important information is still being exchanged after the meeting is officially over.

8. Go to everything you can that helps you look out for your child's interests.  I know this is a lot of work but there is a big payoff here.

9. As always I say pass on to others what you know.  Pay it forward- always!  Help some other family any chance you get.   

10.  I put this last because it is MOST IMPORTANT:  Do not ever go to an IEP meeting by yourself.  Ever. 

I have done this and it is a big mistake.  I have known others to do this with excuses like,

"Well his dad has to work"

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

You are better off taking anyone then you are going alone. 

Single parents please listen here.  Take your friend, boyfriend, girlfriend, co-worker, anyone.  Do not try to do this alone.  It's too important.  In an ideal world you wouldnt have to work so hard to protect your family's interests but in this case there are too many ways to skip around what is fair and legally required.  Please take someone to the meeting with you.