It was this time last year (roughly) that the first grade teacher in our Catholic school had a conference with us (standard timing).
She was taking phone calls from her daughter during our meeting because they were having a family medical crisis but it worked to our advantage really because it made our meeting brief and to the point.
Our daugther was, in her terms,
1. Not paying attention in class.
2. Not applying herself.
3. Moved to the front of the class because of needing to be watched.
I think there were a few more derogatory remarks but these are what remain in my memory for the moment. I'd have to go back and look at my notes to see the other things that were said.
(Friends, always take notes and try to get things verbatim- also tape recording is a good thing to do to if you suspect a problem).
After the conference I felt like I had just been beat up.
Was the first grade teacher really talking about MY CHILD? It seemed impossible.
Having seen her everyday for her whole life I knew what a vivacious, bright, interested and sweet little girl she was. She wasn't a troublemaker.
Who was this child that the teacher was talking about?
For her part my daughter was extremely jealous of a little girl who was already reading at a third grade level and clearly the teachers pet. All the teacher's positive comments seemed to include this girl's name.
No doubt this little girl had book smarts, there are some children who could teach themselves everything and school is merely a social obligation.
The fact that my child excels in math was also downplayed and overlooked. She always worked a year ahead but there were no compliments forthcoming.
Fast forward to this year. Where my child is in a much better place.
Part of the mission of this school is to build back up the damaged self esteems of all the children who spent many more years in a situation like the one we were able to get out of by the middle of first grade.
Even a whole year of that situation would have had my daughter questioning her competence.
I can see this in the children who are new this year and have yet to feel the great effects of actually being taught to read in a way that will work for them.
Some of them are still a bit angry and mean, they simply don't know yet that the world is not completely like the world (school) they came from.
I'm hoping I get to see some breakthroughs.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Monday, September 24, 2012
Pushback
Recently, I was trying to carpool to school with another family but the child involved was rude to both my children and myself while in our car. He instigated power struggles over the radio and finally one day was outright insulting and snide.
On that day I began to reconsider the idea of carpooling.
At the same time as all of that was going his parent kept trying to take advantage of me and (perhaps) what she perceived as my less demanding schedule.
It took me a little while to realize what was going on.
I wasn't sure if I was over reacting. I wondered if it was really as bad as I was making it out to be?
After looking at the problem I realized that I was in the presence of a bully (and a bully-in-training) who were going to use every well honed technique they had developed to get their way on their terms.
I have met my share of people like this over the years.
When I described what was going on to a couple of people who's opinions I trust they advised me to get out of the situation as quickly as possible.
It ended with the bully parent yelling at me over the phone when I called the whole operation off. Twice really since I answered a second call with the same result.
At that point I knew there was no other option than completely ending the relationship. Yelling is not a technique that will work on me, I do not cower in fear of a loud voice.
Later, the bully reevaluated her approach to try to manipulate me using a reasonable tone of voice on a long voicemail message, but by then it was too late. I know a bully when I see one and I knew that this particular situation was only going to work against me and my family.
The point of this story is that I am, for the moment, hopeful. There is what I call pushback.
When we have been pushed too far, either alone or collectively there is going to be a moment where we question if what is going on is reasonable.
I believe collectively parents are in this moment right now.
Parents everywhere are looking at their children who are struggling with reading and thinking something along the lines of,
"Is this really our problem or should the schools be doing something differently?"
Sadly, most parents are alone with their fears and struggles regarding their children's reading issues.
It can be difficult to even admit out loud that their child (whom they were so convinced was bright up until the point where they started trying to read in school) is struggling.
Still, after enough parents start to become educated as to the mediorce teaching methodologies that are currently being used in both the public and private schools these same parents are going to start pushing back.
It is not okay that school professionals attempt to blame children for not being able to read.
In our state there is a new requirement on the law books that third graders that cant pass a standardized reading test will be failed.
This is bad (because it's so obviously wrong) and yet it is good (because it is helping to mobilize parents and the truly well meaning educators of the world).
Pushback.
Be prepared to see more of it in the future.
On that day I began to reconsider the idea of carpooling.
At the same time as all of that was going his parent kept trying to take advantage of me and (perhaps) what she perceived as my less demanding schedule.
It took me a little while to realize what was going on.
I wasn't sure if I was over reacting. I wondered if it was really as bad as I was making it out to be?
After looking at the problem I realized that I was in the presence of a bully (and a bully-in-training) who were going to use every well honed technique they had developed to get their way on their terms.
I have met my share of people like this over the years.
When I described what was going on to a couple of people who's opinions I trust they advised me to get out of the situation as quickly as possible.
It ended with the bully parent yelling at me over the phone when I called the whole operation off. Twice really since I answered a second call with the same result.
At that point I knew there was no other option than completely ending the relationship. Yelling is not a technique that will work on me, I do not cower in fear of a loud voice.
Later, the bully reevaluated her approach to try to manipulate me using a reasonable tone of voice on a long voicemail message, but by then it was too late. I know a bully when I see one and I knew that this particular situation was only going to work against me and my family.
The point of this story is that I am, for the moment, hopeful. There is what I call pushback.
When we have been pushed too far, either alone or collectively there is going to be a moment where we question if what is going on is reasonable.
I believe collectively parents are in this moment right now.
Parents everywhere are looking at their children who are struggling with reading and thinking something along the lines of,
"Is this really our problem or should the schools be doing something differently?"
Sadly, most parents are alone with their fears and struggles regarding their children's reading issues.
It can be difficult to even admit out loud that their child (whom they were so convinced was bright up until the point where they started trying to read in school) is struggling.
Still, after enough parents start to become educated as to the mediorce teaching methodologies that are currently being used in both the public and private schools these same parents are going to start pushing back.
It is not okay that school professionals attempt to blame children for not being able to read.
In our state there is a new requirement on the law books that third graders that cant pass a standardized reading test will be failed.
This is bad (because it's so obviously wrong) and yet it is good (because it is helping to mobilize parents and the truly well meaning educators of the world).
Pushback.
Be prepared to see more of it in the future.
Friday, September 14, 2012
Dyslexia runs in families
Apparently dyslexia is an inherited trait that runs in families.
My brother was diagnosed in the late 1980's making myfamily the second generation with a dyslexia diagnosis. Now I'd like to introduce a new character to this online story: my son, who is still 4 years old.
Perhaps I have heightened awareness or maybe I'm just being paranoid but I already see the potential for the same dyslexia and dysgraphia that has already been diagnosed for my daughter.
We will be having some early screening done when my son is 5 (in the spring). I've also alerted his preschool teachers to the (probability) possibility that he will also be diagnosed.
Early indicators are: speech issues (check) and an aversion to letters (not sure). He already has a grasp of numbers (good grief that is nothing like myself at his age) and I'm seeing what seem to be a lot of similarities with his sister.
He has a good vocabulary (so did she) which tells me that he is bright but learning to read in the whole language method is not going to work for him either (I'm already fairly certain this will be the case).
The preschool teachers don't know what to do with this information but I still feel better having passed along this information.
I have met so many families recently where for example all four children have dyslexia that I am preparing myself for what seems to be the inevitable. At least I wont have to go through the same traditional school nonsense I had to with my daughter (we know a lot more now than we did a year ago).
My brother was diagnosed in the late 1980's making myfamily the second generation with a dyslexia diagnosis. Now I'd like to introduce a new character to this online story: my son, who is still 4 years old.
Perhaps I have heightened awareness or maybe I'm just being paranoid but I already see the potential for the same dyslexia and dysgraphia that has already been diagnosed for my daughter.
We will be having some early screening done when my son is 5 (in the spring). I've also alerted his preschool teachers to the (probability) possibility that he will also be diagnosed.
Early indicators are: speech issues (check) and an aversion to letters (not sure). He already has a grasp of numbers (good grief that is nothing like myself at his age) and I'm seeing what seem to be a lot of similarities with his sister.
He has a good vocabulary (so did she) which tells me that he is bright but learning to read in the whole language method is not going to work for him either (I'm already fairly certain this will be the case).
The preschool teachers don't know what to do with this information but I still feel better having passed along this information.
I have met so many families recently where for example all four children have dyslexia that I am preparing myself for what seems to be the inevitable. At least I wont have to go through the same traditional school nonsense I had to with my daughter (we know a lot more now than we did a year ago).
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Fresh Faced Kindergarten Parents
School is starting again and I am thinking about how 2 years ago my family was a fresh faced, new to school, kindergarten family.
We came in to our daughter's elementary school with the same sort of hopes and dreams for her education so many other parents have.
As parents we hoped that school would be better, kinder and more successful for our children than it was for us. Even if it went well for the most part it still seems to me that most of us recall the parts that didn't and we want it to be better for our children.
We all have protective instincts where our children are concerned. School is part of letting the big world into their previously well protected little lives.
My husband and I made a lot of promises to ourselves about how we planned to work hard and insisted on how we would watch over the homework, participate at the school and make our presence known through volunteering.
At the time we simply assumed that the overall educational system was working well. We felt good about the school we chose. Although it was small we thought of it as a hidden gem. We liked the community it offered and outward things like uniforms made us feel that our child would be safe there. The principal was excellent at the sales pitch.
It most likely might have been an average to below average experience had our daughter not been one of the 20% of the population with dyslexia.
That made the neighborhood school we originally planned being a part of a horrible choice.
On some very real level I believe they know they are unable to educate a dyslexic child but they are either not educated on this issue or are unethical enough to refuse to admit that fact to anyone, even themselves.
These days, two years after those first kindergarten school days, I believe truly educating children is a lot more complicated than anything we could have ever imagined on that first day. And really, we are still beginners in this game.
We came in to our daughter's elementary school with the same sort of hopes and dreams for her education so many other parents have.
As parents we hoped that school would be better, kinder and more successful for our children than it was for us. Even if it went well for the most part it still seems to me that most of us recall the parts that didn't and we want it to be better for our children.
We all have protective instincts where our children are concerned. School is part of letting the big world into their previously well protected little lives.
My husband and I made a lot of promises to ourselves about how we planned to work hard and insisted on how we would watch over the homework, participate at the school and make our presence known through volunteering.
At the time we simply assumed that the overall educational system was working well. We felt good about the school we chose. Although it was small we thought of it as a hidden gem. We liked the community it offered and outward things like uniforms made us feel that our child would be safe there. The principal was excellent at the sales pitch.
It most likely might have been an average to below average experience had our daughter not been one of the 20% of the population with dyslexia.
That made the neighborhood school we originally planned being a part of a horrible choice.
On some very real level I believe they know they are unable to educate a dyslexic child but they are either not educated on this issue or are unethical enough to refuse to admit that fact to anyone, even themselves.
These days, two years after those first kindergarten school days, I believe truly educating children is a lot more complicated than anything we could have ever imagined on that first day. And really, we are still beginners in this game.
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