Parent Task 4: Remember when you were brave in the past

This is my story about being brave and facing the unknown future.

Let me reveal 3 silly things I thought while I was pregnant before my first child was born:

1. I will take 6 weeks materinty leave and then go back to work full time (working for one of the meanest thankless bosses there ever was).
2. It will be no problem to stick my kid in childcare what would have amounted to 50 hours a week.
3. I will breastfeed and still work full time with a young infant.

Ha! Ridiculous!

I hope everyone reading this always has choices and I realize that this isnt always the case but those 3 thoughts were so far off the mark I cant even begin to stop laughing at myself for having them.

I had a drug-free birth that was not perfect but was very close to what I wanted. I was empowered by having the birth of my choice. 

I was determined to breastfeed because my mom had breastfed me when not many middleclass white women were doing that.  I told myself I would MAKE IT WORK.  I had been to La Leche League meetings, read the books about it and I was determined (good thing to or it would have been easier to quit).

The result of this was that when my daughter turned 6 weeks old I was just catching my breath.  There was no possible way I was going back to work 50 hours a week for the meanest woman ever. My daughter was still nursing once an hour. No possible way.

There were tears.  There was fear.  There was a lot of ambiguity and wandering in a fog of unknowing what the future held. 

One thing was clear I was staying with that baby who had to nurse all the time, to hell with money and work.

I tried one day of back-to-work-fulltime and pumping my milk (pumping barely works at that stage in the game).    At eight weeks old my daughter wouldnt take the bottle at all and waited the whole day until she had me back with her to eat.

And that was that.  No more full-time work for me and I didnt care what happened financially.

Things worked out.  Yes, they did. I began to work part-time and things fell into place. 

Being with that baby was too important to me. Nursing and mothering became my priority and that was right.
Now I have children who arent babies anymore but I still have the bravery I had to have during that time of not-knowing.  I have since faced many challenges relating to my children and I know that I draw on that past experience. 

Find those past successes.  Those times you were brave.  Keep those thoughts handy as you face your challenges.